What I Learned When I Did A Stress AuditMar 01, 2014
I always thought of myself as a positive person. Well, I am a positive person on the outside but I never realized that in my head I carried a lot of fear, worry, and doubt. In my head, I had an image of what people who lived in fear were like and that wasn't me. I had taken many opportunities in my life that would seem crazy to other people so I certainly didn't live fear I thought. I laugh all the time so no way did I live in fear. My life was moving forward so I couldn't be paralyzed by fear?
Now I was a worrier for sure. It mostly resulted from three things:
1. Being disorganized. My email inboxes were unmanageable and I couldn't manage to get anywhere on time. I could never find my keys in the morning which made it hard to get out the door. I always had four metro cards in rotation because I often misplaced them. My to-do list...what to-do list? Most days they weren't that useful for me. I tried electronic versions, notebooks, and post-it notes but none of those systems really worked for me. In my mind, it wasn't such a problem because I always got everything done and had the titles to show for it. People found me dependable but had no idea what I went through to meet their deadlines. But it didn't have to be that way but I didn't know how to break the cycle.
2. Being a procrastinator. I work best under pressure I told myself. I seemed to come up with my best ideas at the last moment. I often suffered from writer's block. I just had a hard time getting started on projects. Again I still got everything done but was it really my best work? How did this impact others? Was I then putting pressure on others because I waited to the last minute? Probably and that's not fair.
3. Being distracted. Where did I put my keys...umm oh yeah. See #1. I didn't realize I was losing track of time. I would go months without seeing people I said I cared about. The problem is that I never realized it. My health was suffering and I didn't realize it. Where is my metro card...umm oh yeah. See #2. Also being distracted was definitely tied into #2.
But really my fear was that I couldn't change. I started to see a long time ago that I needed to change but I couldn't because I didn't believe I could. So I made contingency plans around my weaknesses but that only served to enable my dysfunction. I am probably the only person who knows all the quiet places to go if you need to take a phone call while in the middle of a metro commute.
All of this stuff was getting in the way of my greatness. Things had gotten out of control at the end of 2013 and I was forced to change. I am sharing my journey so that I can help other people. So as I continue to build my foundation I will share what I am learning and doing to keep me moving forward and help others.
There you have it. It's all out on the table now.
Want to do your own stress audit? Grab my free guide at www.seriousaboutselfcare.com